Never Easy
by LittleLonnie
Summary: Something is happening to Bobby, but although he knows the truth, he refuses to believe and accept it. Summary wont make sense before it's finished
1. Chapter  All the Memories

**Title:** Never Easy 

**Author:** Lonnie

**Rating:** PG (-13)

**Genre:** Friendship, angst, tragedy, hurt/comfort, supernatural

**Characters:** Bobby, Jack

**Note:** This story can come out as a bit confussing maybe, but it's kind of supposed to be like that. You'll understand in the end. I have no intention of making this story long, maybe two chapters. Title and lyrics is taken from Kurt Nilsen's Never Easy.

**Summary:** Something is happening to Bobby, but although he knows the truth, he refuses to believe and accept it.

Thanks to Torilei for spellchecking my story and helping me there:) Really nice of you. And to readers, I'm sorry for the mushyness. I hope it's not too mushy! lol. Btw it's also my very first Four Brothers fanfiction and man it's hard to write stories to this movie!

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**1. All the Memories**

It was raining outside in the quiet night, melting the last remaining snow away from the streets. It was just past 4:00 in the morning, and not a movement came from Evelyn Mercers old room. One would easily believe the room was empty because the stout little form of Bobby Mercer in the soft bed could easily be overlooked. You always knew when Bobby was around, he made sure of that. He was smaller then his brothers, but he was also the loudest of them. People would have easily mistaken the little form curled up on himself for being another of the brothers, but it wasn't. Bobby Mercer may have been the toughest guy in town and never fell a tear in public, but he is also a human being and he had never felt more like one than he did now. His life was shattered. It never had been glamours or the type of life that someone would die to have instead of him. But his life had been liveable until now. He had lost what he needed the most. It was Angel Mercer who had woken his oldest brother up. The clock had now passed 11:30, and Bobby was still in bed.

"You gonna lie in bed all day?" he asked AS HE sat down on their mother's old bed that was now occupied by Bobby. The brown-haired brother just mumbled some sleepy words and rolled around to face his brother. His eyes WERE red and his mouth looked as if it had never been smiled with.

"Bobby," Angel lay his hand on Bobby's shoulder to comfort him as he felt a lump grow in his throat,

"It's going to be fine, you'll see. It'll take time, but we'll get there together. Now, I have to leave with Sofi, but promise me thai you'll get out of bed soon." Angel swallowed the lump as he took a deep breath.

"Yeah, man, I will." Bobby mumbled and closed his eyes as Angel left. He stayed in bed while he listened to Angel and Sofi move around downstairs. Fifteen minutes later, he heard the back door open and shut. Soon, the car engine started and vanished. He pulled himself out of bed and walked over to the window where he saw dark clouds in the sky, but the rain had stopped and some rays from the sun shone through. Yawning and stretching, he got out of the room and passed Jack's room on the way. The young boy was just standing by the window and looking at Bobby. A small tingle of fear struck Bobbys heart, and he closed his eyes.

"Don't scare me like that." he muttered quietly and walked to the bathroom to ready himself. By the time he was finished, Jack was no longer in his room or upstairs at all. Bobby walked tiredly down the stairs and into the kitchen, finding himself some breakfast and a glass of milk before he found his way into the living room. Jerry wasn't to be seen anywhere either, but Bobby knew well enough that he was most likely home with his wife and kids. Bobby placed the food on the table in front of the sofa before he walked over to the T.V and bent down.

"What's this?" he asked himself as he took a tape out of the VCR.

"A videotape, Bobby." Jack answered from the sofa.

"I can see that, sweetheart." Bobby answered flatly before putting it into the VCR.

"Silly thing to ask then." Jack told him without any feeling in his words. Bobby sat down on the sofa beside the young boy.

"Where did it come from?" Bobby asked as he looked over at his pale little brother.

"I found it. Memories. Check it out, Bobby." Jack answered, his voice just as empty as before. Bobby did as he was told, for a change, and put the video on play. Bobby sat and watched it scene by scene. The first clips showed four younger brothers outside the house. The first thing he noticed was Jack. The young boy couldn't have been more than eight years old in this one. Angel looked like he was at the start of his teens while Jerry was in the middle of it. Bobby saw himself and then remembered when this was. He was nineteen years old here and seemed to follow Jack's every motion, just like he did now.

"I used to be taller than you." Bobby grinned to himself, knowing that his younger brother was not beside him anymore. As the clips changed, the people in them grew older. Once, when Bobby was at the age of twenty three, he skated along the ice with who he remembered to be Lieutenant Green's kid. The camera was being held unsteadily, for the cameraman was also obviously on skates.

"Jackie! You'd better get this on tape!" Jerry, twenty years old at the time, skated past the screen and Jackie quickly followed. In the corner to the right of the screen, Jack had managed to capture Jerry colliding with seventeen-year-old Angel. Bobby smiled to himself with his mouth full of bread when he heard Jack laughing behind the camera.

"Jackie, come here now with that camera, sweetheart." Jack moved the camera to the side to show the smiling face of Evelyn, standing outside of the icefield. The screen turned dark for a moment before the moving pictures appeared again. Bobby felt sadness cling onto him as Evelyn filmed himself as he captures the twelve-year-old Jackie in his arms and spun him around. Jack screamed in between his laughter while his legs kicked around wildy.

"Don't be too harsh on him now, Bobby!" Evelyn laughed merrily behind the camera, but Bobby could see he had ignored it.

"Ma, I gotta make a man out of this kid!" Bobby rolled his eyes when he heard himself answering on the tape. He smiled again, feeling his heart breaking a bit at the sight of himself lifting Jack up again and at the sound of the kid's laughter. Evelyn moved the camera over to Jerry and Angel who were wrestling on the ice while Green's son stood close by, laughing. Some small scenes showed the boys and Evelyn celebrating Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween, but also just short moments where they had been out driving, ice skating, Jerry's kids, and other random happenings. Again, the video blacked out, and Bobby took the remote to turn the video off.

"No, there's more." Bobby looked up and saw Jack sit on the kitchen table in the next room. Bobby moved his hand away from the remote, but kept his gaze on his younger brother. He moved his right leg up in front of him, rested his arm on the knee and his chin on top of that. The video came back on, and suddenly the clips were much more recent. It was Jerry who was filming himself now, sitting on the steps in front of the house. Angel came up behind him out the door and bent down to wave to the camera.

"Hey there! What'ya lookin' at, huh?" Angel grinned to himself before walking away from the house, the camera following him. The camera moved around annoyingly fast, but when Jerry finally calmed down the wild movements, it landed on Jack. The youngest was not the smallest of the brothers anyl onger, but the tallest. Even Angel was smaller when he went to talk to his little brother. They said something the camera didn't catch, but Angel jumped out of the way laughing as Jack lifted the shovel he had been holding and pretended that he was going to hit him with it. The snow had been coming down in masses that night, and the brothers had sent the youngest to work with it since Evelyn was out that day and couldn't punish them for doing so. Bobby soon see himself pop into the screen out of nowhere and throw an arm around his tallest brother's shoulders. "You're not getting paid to just stand there, fairy." the eldest laughed on the screen.

"I'm not getting paid at all, dwarf lord." Jack answered quietly, and Bobby laid a hand over his heart.

"Dwarf lord, huh? You're hurting my feelings, sweetheart." Bobby slapped Jack across the back of his head and received an annoyed look from his young brother.

"Aww, no crying, Jackie. That wont make you a man." This time, Jack couldn't help but smile and stuck out his tongue.

"Now now, fairy, you wait with that till you find the right man for you. We're family, you know?" Bobby told Jack, and the youngest sent him a look thai said more than any words.

"Ignore him, Jackie. That would make Bobby just pedofile." Jerry put in, obviously still filming. Bobby sent him a warning look.

"Yeah, more then he is already!" Angel added, and soon a snowball came flying at him. Jack and Jerry laughed as Bobby and Angel began wrestling in the snow. Bobby still sat with his chin resting on his arm when that clip jumped to another. Quiet tears ran down his cheeks. This clip was so recent that it must have been filmed within two weeks ago, yet it felt old when watching it as if it had been a long time since it actually happened. Jack was sitting alone outside on the stairs where Jerry had sat in the earlier clip, wearing his long, striped scarf and with a cigarett in his mouth.

"You know what, you little fairy?" Bobby heard his own voice again and could even see the cold fog coming from his own mouth in front of the camera.

"I love you man, but you smell as if you have been robbing a cigarette store and bathed in the stolen tobacco afterwards." Bobby couldn't help but snort a little at his own joke while he watched the T.V. The camera came up closer to Jack, and the youngest couldn't help but smile around the cigarette.

"Where do you get these jokes from, Bobby?" Jack's dark voice asked, uninteressted. He lifted his head and looked into the camera before he moved his gaze to his brother behind it.

"I got talent, Jackie-O." The camera moved around quickly as Bobby sat down beside Jack. Bobby turned the camera so it was facing both of them, and he grinned into the it while Jack glanced sideways.

"You're watching "So your little bro's smokin?", and today, you will see how to make them stop." Bobby told the camera as if he ran a talkshow. Bobby sat still in the sofa, tears running stronger than ever at the sight of himself and Jackie.

"It's pretty easy. You'll see." said Bobby on the T.V., and he held the camera still as he easily pulled the cigarette out of Jack's mouth and threw it down into the snow.

"There you go! A healthy, young, little brother." Bobby ended, and Jack looked at him as if he was crazy.

"What the hell, man? I wasn't finished!" Jack muttered, annoyed. Bobby ignored him and filmed the smoke coming from the burned out cigarette in the snow.

"I think you're losing it, Bobby." Jack said quietly as ever. The camera moved back to face the two brothers.

"I love you too, man. Hasta la vista, fairy!" Bobby waved at the camera and Jack rolled his eyes, and then the video turned black. Bobby turned off the T.V and VCR and looked up to look at Jack in the chair nearby. He watched his little brother, heartbroken.

"I'm so sorry." the oldest Mercer cursed himself for crying and hid his face in his arms.

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Confussing? Well I hope second chapter wont be as confussing. The next will also be the last. 


	2. Chapter  Not What It Looks Like

This is the last chapter in this story. Thanks to Torilei for spellchecking. Hope you enjoy!!

Lyrics is from Kurt Nilsens' Never Easy.

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**2. Not What It Looks Like**

Bobby closed the door behind him and locked it before he pulled the car keys out of his pocket and went for his old car. Not long after, he was on his way through the neighbourhood.

"Where are we going?" Jack looked at his older brother.

"Downtown Detroit," Bobby answered without looking at Jack. He leaned forward to turn the radio on. He switched between the channels without finding anything interesting.

"Why are you jumping all over the good songs?" Jack sat in the passenger's seat and looked accusingly at his brother.

"Oh, there's good songs on here? I haven't heard any yet, sorry, sweetheart." Bobby looked over at his little brother, and everytime he did - it hurt more. He let the radio stay on one channel when Jack looked all exited when he heard the song that was playing. They drove without saying anything while the music ran out of the old speakers.

* * *

_I tried and then some more _

_Instead of dragging the both of us down _

_Divide separate ways _

_It's never easy this way, it's never easy this way _

_My palms are sweating, I'm barely aware, what I'm turning down _

_This awful life that is what _

_I've been told think it's better this way I will regret it one day_

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"Anything new?" Jack asked quietly while leaning back in the seat and closing his eyes. His dark blond hair was as messed up as always with some strands lying carefully over his eyes. Bobby looked quickly at his brother before taking a deep breath. 

"Green is dead, Fowler was a traitor, Sweet is also dead, and your older brothers have had a busy time with the police officers' wives," Bobby answered quickly, but he couldn't help releasing some sort of snort. Jack smiled as well, keeping his eyes closed.

"So, he's finally dead, huh? What are you going to do now?" he asked, lying his arms crossed across his stomach. It took a while for Bobby to answer, which made Jack open his eyes again.

"I dunno, Jackie. I don't know," Bobby swallowed hard and looked out the window. Trying to get the chat on something else, Jack tried to come up with another subject.

"Why are we going downtown?" he asked while he looked out the window at the passing world. It was heavy being in the car and he thought about leaving, but he couldn't leave Bobby like he was now.

"No particular reason. I can't sit on my ass all day," Bobby was biting his bottom lip as if he was angry, and he blinked a lot while he stared at the road ahead of them.

"Bobby..." Jack began and looked over at his beloved brother while leaning the back of his head against the cool window.

"Don't you think..." The youngest Mercer stopped himself when Bobby just shook his head while tears began running down his cheek.

"No, Jackie. Not now. Not ever. I can't," He held onto the steering wheel as if he would go up in flames if he let go. Jack looked away again, beginning to breathe deep and heavy. He hid his face in his hand while they continued on without saying a word. Bobby tried everything to stop the tears running down from his eyes more because they were blinding him, but he couldn't stop them. They passed the old skating arena they used to play on when they were younger, and even not so long ago. Suddenly Bobby swung the car to the left, over the other road, and into a parking lot. A car honked at him, but he drove on.

"Bobby! Bobby, where you going now?!" Jack stared as Bobby shut the car door and walked quickly away. He walked past the skating area, seeing some kids on it playing together, but he continued quickly past it. He came to another road, watched if any cars were coming before he went over and started up a small grass field on the way to the cemetary.

"Bobby! What are you doing?" Tears were running strongly down Jack's cheeks, which only made Bobby cry more.

"I don't know, Jackie! I don't what I'm doing, or what to do!" Bobby stopped and waited for Jack. He could see much of Detroit from where he was standing. This was where he had grown up with his brothers, and now it all had been shattered and all he had left was memories.

"Bobby, this isn't real. You can't go on like this and pretend it never happened," Jack swallowed hard and again looked at his eldest brother, who slowly continued on his way to the graveyard.

"I have to. I can't accept this, Jackie," Bobby had sudden control to his voice. He walked quickly between the gravestones, heading for one in particular. When he was there, he stopped again.

"Evelyn Mercer," he mumbled quietly. Jack stood behind him, waiting for his brother to say something. After some minutes without words, Bobby turned around and went over to another gravstone. He stared at the name before looking at his brother.

"It's my fault your name is on there," the eldest Mercer knelt down by the tombstone while Jack leaned on the side.

"You didn't kill me, Bobby. You know that," Jack swallowed again while studying Bobby's face. The usually strong and self-confident man looked like a completely different man.

"Whatever. I can't accept that both Ma and my lil' brother are gone. I just can't do it, Jackie!" Bobby let his finger trace Jack's name on the stone.

"I know you haven't, Bobby. That's why I'm here. I can't leave you like this," Jack felt weird. It used to be Bobby who took care of him, not the other way around.

"Can Angel and Jerry see you?" Bobby lifted his eyes and looked right into his little fairy's.

"No. Just you," Jack answered quietly.

"Those bloody..." Bobby muttered angrily.

"Bobby!" Jack couldn't help but to grin slightly.

"What?! You were their little brother as well! Can't they see you because they don't care?" The eldest Mercer leaned backward and looked towards the dark sky.

"No Bobby. You're offending me. I know they cared for me. They both cry too, but mostly when nobody can see them, just like you. I can't leave you because you haven't accepted that things are the way they are," Jack felt slightly clever after what he told Bobby, but it hurt to know that he wouldn't have any use of it.

"And they have accepted you're dead? Just like that?" Bobby was still angry, and Jack reached out and laid his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"No. Well yes, but... It's hard to explain, Bobby. Why can't you try to make this easier for me? There is no right or wrong here. Just because Jerry and Angel have accepted my death, they're not bad people. They know they have to go on in life because they won't get anywhere by mourning the past. Life's a bitch, Bobby. We all know that, but what can you do?" Jack cried now. His lower lip trembled while his eyes were red from of all the tears.

"I still can't, Jackie. I'm so sorry. I never understand how people can move on in life after someone they care about died. I was ready to live on after Ma's death, and I feel like a bad person because of it. But you were too young. I couldn't even take care of you. I can't go on and forget about it," Bobby held onto the slender arm that rested against his shoulder.

"Bobby, I don't want you to forget me," Jack sat there helplessly,

"That's everyone's greatest fear, that they will be forgotten. I fear that..." Jack paused,

"I fear that if I leave you now, you will decide you just want to forget me instead of remembering me and what happened. That's why I showed you the video. There is a reason that people take care of photos and videos. To remember. To cry once in a while," Jack dried the tears with his hand.

"This is getting way too mushy, Bobby, and you haven't even called me a fairy once," Bobby grinned through the tears at Jack's words.

"Fairy," he mumbled as if that would help.

"That make you one too..." Jack and Bobby sat by the tombstone for a while, just enjoying what they both knew would be the last moments they had together.

"Let me go, Bobby," Jack whispered and looked down on the ground.

"I don't want to," Bobby whispered stubbornly back.

"I just can't stand the thought of never seeing my little brother again. It's all wrong..." Bobby swallowed repatedly.

"You have the memories, Bobby," With that, Jack reached out the other hand, holding out the necklace he had on him the day that he died. Bobby took it and held onto it before he laid a hand on Jack's neck and pulled him to his shoulder.

"How come I feel you?" Bobby asked while he felt Jack's hair tickle him in the face.

"I dunno," Jack answered. "Maybe it's wishful thinking. In reality I'm here, but you shouldn't be feeling me. So you don't really do, but... Bobby please," Jack smiled against Bobby's shoulder,

"I was no freakin' college professor either" At this Bobby laughed and pulled his little brother closer.

"I will let you go, but I don't know how I can," Bobby held tightly around Jack's neck, not really wanting to let go.

"You have Jerry and Angel, Bobby. That's what brothers are for. It'll be fine. Just don't forget me. Or Ma. That's all I'm asking for," Jack closed his eyes.

"I wont, little fairy. You know I won't," Bobby's last words to him felt satisfying.

"I know, dwarf lord," the last words Bobby heard from his little Jackie made a new volley of tears come back. He bowed down close to the ground and cried his heart out. This was going to be hard.

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_Talk too me, throw the ball back _

_I've been here before there is no turning back _

_Talk to me just tell it like it is _

_Just two afraid souls, going at each other, at each other _

_We're at the crossroad going separate ways, time to say it as it is_

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**Sooo to sum it all up:  
- Jack has been dead all the time and it's not really Evelyn who is the main sorrow subject here (although she is a part too)  
- It's only Bobby who see Jack because Jack doesn't want to leave when his brother is suffering. In the movie they see Evelyn because they have accepted that she's gone, but it's opposite here.  
- I explained where Bobby walked (into kitschen, bathroom, out the door etc), but Jack just pops out of no where. Now you understand why ;) **

**It's very mushy I am SO sorry, but I hope you like it anyway.**


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